Revision (comma) Moment of Self-doubt

I am halfway tempted to call off this Major Restructuring Revision and do something much more basic, like just cut wordage and a few (seemingly, in comparison) minor things and pray.

Of course, the patient is on the operating table with his guts in one jar and his heart in a cooler, so of course it doesn't look good. Let's put the thing back together and see how it goes before we start looking for time travel to undo what has gone wrong. Shall we?